Wednesday, February 10, 2010

what happens?

what happens when you realize you cant live without someone? but every time you talk to them it feels like the hole in you gets bigger and bigger? sorry my boyfriend broke up with me not too long ago and at first i was fine, it wasnt until we talked agian that i felt my heart twinge alittle and then the next time i felt something was missing and tonight after our talk i just feel empty inside.... like nothing really matters. i thought time heals all wounds? then why the hell is time fucking with me and making them worse? really when i talk to him my whole body feels like its flying, its just when he has to go that gets me.
i should tell you a bit about us to let you know how we got to be together.

i met him when i was in kindergarten, i had such a huge crush on him already. he was a third or fourth grader at the time so he didnt pay much attention to me. i just crushed silently because i knew it wasnt the right time.

he left elementary school but he has a younger brother so i became friends with him when we were both in daycare together.  not best friends or anything but good enough friends that we could talk and what not.

the next time i say him was in the 8th grade when he was working at the boys and girls club. he remembered me from daycare. i remembered him also and the crush that was there oh so many years ago came back with a vengeance. i couldn't do anything then except for a few flirty remarks that he didn't pay too much attention to.

this happened for a year and a half maybe but i continued to see other guys because i always thought he was unattainable. he would drive me home from the boys and girls club when i didnt have a ride and i would thank him with a kiss on the cheek.

it wasnt till i was in the 10th grade that anything really happend. one of the days that he dropped me off at home from the club i told him how i felt and he told me that he knew and he really liked me too but the age thing was bad for his job. i understood of course but it still made me kinda sad but that day he kissed me and i just felt like i could fly.

a year later on Halloween i spent the night at his house. i was supposed to sleep on the couch but thats not quite what happend and since i dont want to put a mature rating on my blog i wont go into details. i felt amazing because then i knew he felt the same way about me as i did him.

after a rocky 7 months he was my boyfriend offically. things were wonderful, his boss understood and so did his parents, hell his parents loved me. it was blissful. we only had one fight maybe two but nothing major.

we were together for 6 months before i had to move to sacramento. it was only an hour drive but my schooling schedual and his didnt match plus he had to work and his parents make him do alot of chours so we couldnt see eachother like we wanted to and so he thought it was best to call it off. i thought it was a good idea at first too but now it just sucks. i miss him so much.

i dont know much about life but i hope one thing is true, and that is that if its ment to be it will be. every time i notice its 11:11 i make a wish that we will be together agian sometime soon.

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